Lately, I’ve been really showing up for myself by going to yoga several times a week. It’s been a long time coming though and only very recently did my love affair with the practice truly bloom. Attending four yoga classes weekly has been written in my manifestation journal for the last two years. I’d attend a class here and there, but making it to four classes a week never materialized. However, despite my wavering commitment to the practice, yoga became a mainstay in my journal. I hadn’t written it off.
This was a new concept to me. In the past, if I tried a workout-type class that didn’t stick, I’d simply move onto trying something else. It would no longer have a line in my journal or life. Yet, yoga stayed.
It’s as if subconsciously I knew I needed yoga and how it made me feel. I couldn’t explain it though, even to myself. Everyday, while wearing yoga pants and not actually attending yoga, I’d scribble, “I practice yoga four times a week,” as a manifestation. I didn’t know why at the time, but I did it anyway. It felt right. The woman I envisioned my future-self being and the one I was manifesting; she did yoga four times a week. Again, I don’t know why. She just did.
I now know why though. I know why yoga never left the pages of my manifestation journal. I know why future-me loved going to yoga four times a week.
My longing for yoga never left, because subconsciously I craved something that would help me realize I was good despite my self-perceived flaws. Something that let me show up as my most authentic self. I longed for a space that accepted me right where I was in life, but I didn’t know it yet. Yoga reminded me I was “good” and complete with no strings attached. No unsolicited suggestions veiled as encouragements. Yoga made me feel enough. Yoga didn’t judge me for being 33 with no children, healing from trauma and falling out of poses. What a thought. What a rare and beautiful thing to find; pure acceptance. Something I’ve rarely felt my entire life. No one comes around adjusting your form or pushing you to do more. Whatever your body is able to do that day is exactly what it’s supposed to be doing.
Think of how many places you can go today where you feel wholly accepted right then and there, just as you are. You visit your parents and you’re bombarded with questions about “future you” and what that looks like i.e. kids, a house, trips, etc.. You go to work and you receive feedback on how you could improve. You go to a store to try on clothing that may or may not fit your current body and again, you’re left with a feeling of present you somehow not being enough. You may not recognize it in the moment, but not feeling accepted as you are every single day is exhausting. It leaves us doubting ourselves and feeling like we have to constantly improve or change in order to truly be happy or succeed. It sucks.
Yoga and I are here to tell you otherwise though. You are presently enough. You are good. You are whole as you are right now. If you decide to change something about yourself and future you is different, guess what? You’ll be whole then too. Finding contentment in your current life chapter will allow you to stop judging yourself. Be open to growth always, but realize you’re no less of a person where you’re at.
I’m so grateful that I never gave up on yoga. I’m so glad I listened to what my subconscious was trying to show me; a part that wanted healing. I didn’t know I was feeling unaccepted in my daily life. Yoga helped me slow down long enough to see it. I now go to yoga consistently and it feels good to have that safe and accepting space several times a week. I’ll always be healing, but I’m loving myself more through the process now and yoga helped me get there.
If there is something that’s not leaving your literal or hypothetical manifestation journal, don’t ignore it. Chances are it’s showing up for a reason and waiting for you to tend to it in order for you to become your truest and most authentic self.