The concept of being whole and perfect exactly as I am has been an extremely difficult idea for me to grasp and one that only recently I’ve come to accept. This sentiment has been echoed through so many of the teachings I’ve encountered during my healing journey. In my readings, in therapy, in yoga, in energy healing, in meditation. I kept being told that I was good enough right now as I am, but how come I didn’t feel that way? How come I couldn’t bring my brain to believe this? I couldn’t even so much as allow myself to digest this unfathomable statement. I’d hear I’m whole and perfect and immediately my brain would go, “Okay, yeah yeah, blah blah, you have to say that.” How I felt when I heard I was whole and perfect during my adult life was reminiscent of how I felt when my mom would say something to make me feel better as a child. I’d always think she was my mom so she had to say those things. Only, here’s the thing: our parents don’t have to say those things. Our therapist, our yoga teacher, our meditation guides, they don’t have to say we’re whole and perfect. They do so because it’s the truth. Our brain just doesn’t want to accept it, because that would turn so much of what we believe and what we’re being told in our daily lives upside down and then what? What would that mean? What excuses would we have then? What’s there to blame if not for being imperfect? That’s too much to swallow and I think we can all agree it’s easier to just keep things right-side up, right?
Except, how’s that working out for you? Does your life seem easy? Chances are it doesn’t. It didn’t for me. Continuing to believe I constantly needed to improve proved to be way more difficult than turning it all on its head and considering the latter. Seeking constant self-improvement, perfectionism and simply more, was making me anxious, depressed and ruining my self-esteem. If believing those things was the easy way then put me down for the hard way, because I was over feeling like crap.
When I say the hard way, it’s just like anything you’re unfamiliar with and are trying to learn. At first, it’s difficult, but then once you’ve mastered the concept of whatever it is you can’t imagine doing it any other way. It takes time, but you can get there. I still struggle with the concept that I’m enough, but overall just grasping the idea of being whole and perfect as I am has been transformative.
Your brain may still be trying to shut this concept down. If it’s anything like mine, then it’s probably reminding you of a slew of limiting beliefs right now.
How could I be whole and perfect when there are so many things “wrong” with me? I could lose 10 pounds, I have yet to buy a house, I still get breakouts in my 30’s, the list could go on and on. That doesn’t sound like someone who’s whole and perfect. That sounds like someone who needs to find the nearest self-improvement section at their local bookstore.
My thoughts told me that once I fixed or achieved the laundry list of things “wrong” with me, that only then would I be able to be whole and perfect and truly happy. What a crock of shit. A big ole’ boiling crockpot of it.
Thoughts be lyin’.
Losing 10 pounds may make me healthier, but it doesn’t make me whole and perfect, because I already am. Buying a house may allow me to have more creative space and not have to wait for my husband to get out of the only bathroom we currently share, but it wouldn’t make me whole and perfect, because I already am. Having skin that looks like someone FaceTuned all the pores off of it may make me feel more confident, but it won’t make me whole and perfect, because I already am.
The reality is there is nothing wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with you. Nothing to be fixed in order to be whole and perfect. These are just perceptions our brain created based on the world around us. The world floods us with constant advertisements, products, posts and books that seem to highlight our flaws and what we lack. The world isn’t designed to make us feel good. The world is designed to make us feel like shit and then convince us to spend our money to not feel like shit.
Us feeling like we’re constantly lacking and like we aren’t whole and perfect helps make this man’s world go round. You think you’re fat- here’s a gym membership. You think you need a house to be happy- buy one. You think your skin needs to improve- here’s a cream for that, or a thousand creams for that, and if those don’t work try makeup.
I’m not saying you can’t want all of those things and I’m definitely not saying you shouldn’t enjoy trying all the creams and makeup your heart desires. I love me some Sephora. What I’m saying is that those things are the icing on the cake. You, as you are right now, are whole and perfect. You are the cake. The fit body, the dream house, the glowing skin; that’s the icing.
If you want the icing to flow freely into your life then you’ve got to show the universe you’ve cleared your limiting beliefs and that you’re a whole ass cake right now, exactly as you are.